If you’ve heard of NLP it’s probably been in the context of business where the principles of Neuro linguistic programming seem to be given more prominence because people associate the results with success in business relationships in management, selling and so on. In fact, NLP is extremely useful in family life and by applying the core principles we can achieve clearer communication of our needs and ensure they are met in an ecological way, that is to everyone’s benefit not just ours!
Whether your pregnancy is planned or unplanned, changes are happening to your body, your mind, your relationships and your future. So how can NLP help?
Well according to NLP we have the resources to do whatever we set our mind to but we may not realise it or recognise the resource. Let’s say for example that you are finding it difficult to keep the secret of your pregnancy at work and you’re afraid you will blurt it out to someone before you’re ready. So when you last had a secret how did you keep it? Maybe someone told you a secret about something and you kept it. How did you do that? What belief did you have about the secret? Do you hold that belief about the secret of your pregnancy? Could you hold that belief? If you change your belief you will change the behaviour associated with the belief.
Are you feeling worried about the birth? How have you coped with other similar events? Have you been able to overcome your worry about another event? How did you succeed in doing that? Could you try the same process this time?
It feels now as if what you are experiencing is all quite new and different and a bit scary. Try to find another situation where you had those feelings. Maybe you felt like this on the first day at a new school? Did you feel like this about your wedding day? What about the first day of a new important job?
Close your eyes and think about that time. Picture yourself before that time, a few days before the event and remember how you felt. What about just before, the day before the event, how did you feel then?
What about the actual event itself, how was that? Picture yourself right in the middle of the event at the very worse moment of it. Can you remember what you did and how you got through the day?
Now picture yourself a few days later. How do you look now, how do you feel? Can you notice anything about yourself after the scary feelings had passed? They do pass don’t they? You do have the resource to overcome the fear of change don’t you?
Lots of mums to be feel guilty that though they are excited about the baby they are worried about whether they will be ‘a good mum’. Again I want you to think about your resources. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down a list of what you do well. You will have lots of different life experiences, work, friends, sport and so on. What do you do well in each of these situations? What would your friends say of you, what do your parents say of you? All of these skills will make you the good mum you want to be. There is no absolute model of what makes a good mum.
Now look at that list and think about how that quality you have identified could be useful and beneficial to you as a mum. Are you good at making people laugh? Are you kind to your friends? Are you someone they can rely on? Do you learn things quickly? Whatever the qualities are that make you who you are now – these will be what will make you a good mum.
Judy is the author of Teach Yourself: Be a happier parent with NLP and the Engaging NLP workbook NLP for New Mums. Both available at Buy NLP Books
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