As parents we are the greatest influence on how our children will develop and who they will become as adults. It is our job to guide them by example, which in NLP we call ‘modelling’.
Our children watch us and learn from us. They take on our values and beliefs in the early years and then gradually, as they have their own experiences, they form their own values and beliefs.
What we say and how we say it during these crucial childhood years are the outward expressions of our values and beliefs. It is important to understand that we have choices and that what we say and do, makes a difference.
One example is to take a positive approach. Many parents I have coached have noticed a significant difference when they tell their child what they do want rather than what they don’t want. Have a go and experience the difference!
Similarly, why give your child the idea they have a choice when they don’t? Use the word ‘when’ rather than ‘if’ and you’ll be more effective.
NLP gives you the tools and techniques with which to make these choices so you can influence and guide your children in the direction that will allow them to achieve.
They are usually applied in the workplace in the area of management skills, leadership, rapport and negotiation which, let’s face it, we parents certainly need! Our children will need these skills too as they make their way in an ever more challenging and competitive world.
‘Being the change’ means that instead of expecting to get a different result when you do the same thing, you will get a different result when you do something different. So YOU are the change.
What you do and say makes a difference to the results you get so Neuro Linguistic Programming is a way of life, a new and different, positive approach to the way we communicate and how we interpret the way others communicate with us both verbally and non-verbally.
The only way to make effective changes in our life is to engage with this new way and incorporate it daily into everything we do.
At home, at work or at play, whether we are a child, a teenager or an adult, we can make new choices about how we live our life so that we achieve all we wish for in our friendships, relationships and our own state of well-being and happiness.
Engage with NLP and see, hear and feel the difference immediately. You will improve your self-esteem, how you get on with people and your effectiveness both as a parent and in all the other areas of your life.
As you incorporate NLP into your parenting, your children will pick it up too and learn how to get the positive learning and more effective communication for themselves.
Learn how to teach them NLP so they can reframe negative experiences so they learn from them and set compelling outcomes for school, home and socially.
Positive Parenting is about focusing on what’s working, what’s going well and extracting the structure so we can get more of it.
As parents we often feel we’ve failed because we focus on what’s not working. When we change our focus we can get a different and better result.
NLP is a completely different way of viewing your world. Once you have been introduced to the NLP way of thinking and communicating it will seem like you’ve come home. It is respectful of others and more importantly of yourself and it is positive.
John Grinder and Richard Bandler developed, what they came to call NLP, from a combination of Virginia Satir’s Family Therapy, Franz Perls’ Gestalt Therapy and the work of Milton Erickson in the area of language patterns.
What Grinder and Bandler added was the idea of coding excellence. They studied how successful and effective people communicated and formulated some ground rules that would bring these results to anyone who applied them. These ground rules are what we call NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming.
BUY THIS EBOOK HERE
Children totally ‘get’ NLP they don’t need persuading and because they find themselves totally fascinating anything which allows them to find out more about themselves is a great gift. My book NLP for Children is my best selling book. Why? Because children can write and draw in it. This is NLP for kids. They can find out whether they are visual, auditory or kinaesthetic and they can work out whether they do things because
- they like choices or just want to get on with it
- it’s what they want or it avoids what they don’t want
- they have the detail or concept
- others are doing it or it just feels right to them
This information helps them to understand why they work better for some teachers rather than others and why sometimes they do what they’re told and other times they don’t.
It gives them some great techniques for coping with fear and uncertainty, for managing those bad and angry feelings they sometimes get and how to make friends and keep them.
This book is great for children aged 5-10yrs. You’ll have to help children at the younger end of this age range of course but older children will manage fine on their own.
You can buy it for £6.99 signed by me, the author from my website
If your child is 11-14yrs NLP for Tweens would be better and those aged 15yrs + would learn a lot from NLP for Teens. They’re all available from my bookshop and of course from Amazon, Barnes and Noble etc The Book Depository sells them with free shipping.
I don’t know about you but I’m definitely sensing that it’s near the end of term! For those of you in other countries (I’m writing from the UK) you may already be on summer holidays. Here we enjoy the usual UK rainy summer weather as yet more cricket matches are cancelled because of soggy pitches. The ‘Remember to bring sun cream’ notice at the bottom of every match sheet makes us laugh as they so don’t need it! A brolly would be more useful and wet weather gear.
Anyway the teachers are busy writing reports and we are starting to think about the next term which starts in September because my son leaves his Primary School in a few weeks and will be starting his Secondary school. This has happened to coincide with me writing NLP for Tweens which is aimed at children of his age 10-13yrs to help them manage puberty and the transition from Primary to Secondary school. This is often accompanied by a house move so the book is packed full of tips on how your Tween can manage change.
One of the key ways I describe in the book is to think about what will be similar. It’s called ‘matching’. When we look for similarities we feel more at home and able to cope. As your child approaches a change in his life, remind them what the new situation will be similar to and point out another change they made that they adjusted well to. They need a ‘I can cope with change well’ attitude. Find common ground; perhaps the school looks similar, perhaps some of the children going there will be familiar, will they be playing some of the same sports?
You can find out more about how to prepare your child for change in my book ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ .
If you want to give them something to read and get involved in NLP for Tweens is workbook style with fun quizzes and loads for them to fill in and think about.
You can buy all my books in my Bookshop but you can also find them on Amazon UK and Amazon US and the Book Depository where they offer Free shipping.
All my Engaging NLP books are for sale on this site for £4.99 plus P&P which is £2 less than the recommended retail price and less than the price on Amazon CLICK HERE to take a look.
I wrote these after writing Teach Yourself : Be a happier parent with NLP because I felt there was a need for more of a workbook style of NLP book aimed at specific needs
Back to Work
They are all quick reads for busy people who want to know how they can use NLP in their lives to tackle the sort of issues they have. The books are illustrated and offer helpful exercises you can do using the NLP techniques. Each exercise gives instructions and space to write down your thoughts.
The children’s book NLP for children is for you and your child to work through together. The ideal age for this is for a child aged about 4-11yrs and obviously a child aged 9-11yr can read and use the book on their own.
The teenage book is written for them to use to address issues they have around school or Uni, work, getting a job, peer group pressure, relationships and so on.
The Back to Work book is perfect for mums thinking about whether to go back to work or not or consider other options such as working freelance, starting their own business or taking on activities which may in time become businesses.
New Mums covers everything connected with pregnancy, childbirth and those early months giving you ways to manage tiredness, stress and the roller coaster of emotions we get at this time. I remember it well!
They are called Engaging NLP because they are workbooks and I want you to engage with them, use them and learn from them in a way I don’t feel existing NLP books can be used. Indeed the Teach Yourself book packed full as it is with everything you could possibly encounter as a parent, is a solid read and not a workbook despite it having exercises in it.
As well as being a mum of 4 children (now aged 11, 19, 22 and 23) and a former teacher, I am a Master Practitioner in NLP and a Trainer. I run workshops and offer NLP coaching on a one to one basis either face to face or via SKYPE or phone but I believe that by reading my books you will find the help you are looking for. If you still need some support please call me (01628 660618 or 00 44 1628 660618) or email me (email@example.com) or contact me via the contact form because the reason I write the books and work with children and teenagers (and their parents) is because I care and I want to empower you to be happier parents and for your children to have the skills at their fingertips to be happier children.
NLP has long been used in the workplace but I feel that it is an essential parenting tool because being a parent is, I believe, the most important role we have in life. What we do and say, how we behave and the beliefs we pass on to our children make an enormous impact. They are constantly changing as are we as we learn and experience new things. These books are there for you , to help you in this important role. If I can help you further just get in touch. I don’t charge for a quick phone call or email you know!
Click this LINK to take you to my bookshop where today you can buy all 6 Engaging NLP workbooks for £35 or its equivalent in your own currency.
The books are
NLP for Parents
NLP for Children
NLP for Teens
NLP for Teachers
NLP for New Mums
NLP for Back to Work (or setting up a business)
If you would prefer another book such as NLP for the 11+ or NLP for Young Drivers instead of any of these books as long as you order 6 and tell me which you want when you pay using PayPal or a Credit Card thenthe offer price of £35 still applies.
Be a happier parent with NLP
Neuro Linguistic Programming is the study of the way what we think (neuro) what we say (linguistic) and what we do (programming) affects the results we get in life; whether that be at work or at play. A core principle of NLP is:
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
What this means is that if you want a different result, a better one, then you need to change what you think, say and do. You cannot change your babies and toddlers but by making small changes yourself they will respond differently. So let’s take a look at some of the ways you can do this.
Don’t think about pink elephants!
What are you doing right now?
Yes you are thinking about pink elephants! You can’t help it. In order to process the instruction “don’t think about pink elephants” you have to think of a pink elephant so you know what it is you are not supposed to be doing.
This is what children do. When you say “Don’t fall!” or “Don’t drop that!” what happens?
It’s called an ‘embedded command’. You’ve put the idea into their head to fall or drop something. You didn’t do it deliberately. In fact what you actually meant was “Watch how you go” or “Be careful” and by changing what you say and using a positive embedded command you will get the desired result. Tell them what you Do want not what you DON’T want.
Your children are fighting and you say “Don’t hurt each other!” They hear “hurt each other” and carry on. Instead tell them what you do want them to do “Stop fighting!”
Think about it. All day long we use the ‘don’t’ word. “Don’t interrupt me when I’m on the phone”, “Don’t pull faces”, “Don’t annoy me”, “Don’t eat any more sweets”.
Tell them what you DO want.
Another toxic word is IF.
‘If’ implies they have a choice. They don’t. For example ‘If you eat your vegetables, you can have a pudding”, “If you go to bed nicely for me you can stay up another half an hour”, “If you are good you can have a sweet.” In these sorts of situations you aren’t offering them a choice. You want them to do what you’ve asked. Not doing it isn’t an option is it? So, use an embedded command here. Assume they will do what you’ve asked by saying instead “When you’ve eaten your vegetables you can have pudding” or “When you are good you can have a sweet.” You are giving them the benefit of the doubt and telling them what will happen when they’ve done what you asked.
How often do you use the word ‘try’?
Try implies that you won’t succeed, that you don’t expect them to succeed.
“Try and eat up your vegetables”, “Try and be good”, “Try and do what you’re told for once” I’m sure we all use the ‘try’ word with our toddlers. We use it with ourselves too, don’t we? Our inner voice tells us “Try and stay calm”, “Try not to lose your temper”. Delete the word ‘try’ and you get an instruction that is clear and unambiguous. They have no choice, they are simply to eat up their vegetables or be good. There is an expectation that they will be able to do that because you have assumed it in your instruction. It’s the same with your own inner self-talk.
Instead of just ‘trying’ – DO IT!
There is a lot more to NLP than a few toxic words and you can read how NLP will make you a happier parent by buying my book ‘Teach Yourself: Be a happier parent with NLP’ and the Engaging NLP series of workbooks for parents, teens, new mums, children, teachers and mums returning to work or setting up their own business. They are all available from http://www.nlpandkidsbooks.com or Amazon and other bookshops. Join the Facebook Group NLP Kids or ‘like’ the Engaging NLP Facebook page to share NLP parenting ideas with other mums. For Skype or telephone consultations call 00 44 1628 660618